Jeg har ferie den indtil næste søndag nu i anledning af Chile's independence day, 18. september, og jeg ved faktisk ikke helt, hvad jeg skal lave. I hvert fald er jeg blevet inviteret med ud og flyve med drager idag af nogle venner - faktisk relativt nye venner - og jeg er inviteret til at hænge ud med dem mandag, tirsdag og onsdag - og så har jeg ellers ikke nogen planer. Jeg går med den her nagende fornemmelse af, at jeg gør et eller andet forkert, selvom jeg rent logisk godt ved, at det ikke er sandt. Jeg har faktisk mange venner her, jeg er super glad for min familie og har et godt forhold til dem, og jeg har lært meget spansk på relativt kort tid, så hvorfor jeg egentlig går med den her følelse, kan jeg ikke svare på.
Måske er det en ting, der bare er utrolig typisk mig, for jeg synes ikke jeg hører om mange andre udvekslingsstudenter med de her overvejelser. Hver gang tingene går godt, er der altid en stemme indeni der stiller det farlige spørgsmål, om andre nu også synes det går godt eller at jeg gør det godt nok, for måske er det jo bare mig selv, der tror det. Jeg er virkelig uforbederlig på det område. Jeg ville sådan ønske, at jeg kunne droppe alle de her tanker og for en gangs skyld bare NYDE, at det går så godt for mig som jeg jo objektivt set godt ved, det gør, uden hele tiden at tænke over om det nu er rigtigt.
Hm, det blev måske et af de mere pessimistiske indlæg, men jeg lovede mig selv at skrive ærligt omkring mit ophold her i Chile, og tvivlen er desværre også en del af mit liv her. Jeg tror jeg vil lægge nogle billeder ind fra paraden igår, som faktisk var utrolig flot - om end en smule lang - så der i det mindste er lidt underholdende at kigge på. Undskyld.
I've got vacation now until the next sunday because of the independence day of Chile, 18th of september, and actually I don't really know what I'm going to do. I've been invited to fly with kites today with some friends - really new friends actually - and I've been invited to hang out with them monday, tuesday and wednesday, but otherwise I don't have any plans. I'm having this weird feeling of doing something wrong even though I know, if I should see logically on it, that it's not true. I have actually got quite a lot of friends here, I am really happy about my family and I have a great relationship with them, and I've learned a lot of spanish on relativelly short time, so I can't say why I'm going with this feeling.
Maybe it's just something that is incredibly typical for me, 'cause I don't hear about a lot of other exchangestudents with these concerns. Everytime things are going well, there is always a little voice inside that asks the dangerous question if everybody else also thinks that things are going well or that I do it good enough, because maybe I'm just the only one who thinks it. I'm really incorrigible on this area. I really wish I could throw all these thoughts away and for once just ENJOY, that things are going as well for me as I objectivelly know they do, without all the time thinking about if this is true.
Well, this was probably one of the more pessimistic posts, but I promised myself I would be honest when I'm writing about my life here in Chile, and unfortunately the doubt is also part of my life here. I think I'll put up some pictures from the parade yesterday, which actually was really beautiful - even though it was a bit long - so there at least will be something fun to look at. Sorry.
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